Communication really is the be-all and end-all of our human interaction. Certainly listening and, even more so, understanding the other person. We now have a multitude of communication tools at our disposal, which sometimes seem to overwhelm us, but our communication is becoming increasingly imprecise, vague and, above all, poorly thought out under stress. Time pressure takes precedence over relationship management.
Insights into communication
What does this tell us about ourselves in particular? We are prepared to sacrifice our relationships and their quality due to time pressure, we have a greater interest in placing our issues than in the way something is received and the subsequent reaction.
As a result, we often have more effort and trouble afterwards to mend our relationships, deal with each other and find a balance again. Of course, disputes and conflicts are unavoidable and also beneficial for our own and mutual growth, but the tone still makes the music. And we often open up wounds, press triggers repeatedly and are so careless that sometimes nothing more can be done.
When you look at relationships and how they develop, it is always astonishing to see that the mood often changes when communication remains one-sided, especially in relationships of dependency, e.g. between managers and employees, landlords and tenants, suppliers and customers. For example, customer enquiries remain unanswered, calls are ignored and more and more open loops arise. The more often and the longer this situation persists, the more the fronts harden. Until communication either ceases completely or the lawyers are called in.
All somehow very unnecessary, painful and tedious to resolve. However, if we look at our trained behavioural patterns, which can be reduced to the three stress reactions: Fight, flight and freeze, it's not surprising that we don't care much about communication and conflict on the one hand and are trapped in our behavioural patterns on the other.
Unanswered concerns can be traced back to the flight and stare mode. The resulting anger on the part of the other person is in turn derived from fight mode. This then leads to the "wedging" of the fronts that need to be resolved. Because the disappointment and frustration when personal concerns remain unanswered and end in nirvana are great and can open up old wounds and injuries.
Regulation of our nervous system
Whenever we fall into our stress response mode, it is important that we rebalance our dysregulated nervous system. If we simply sit out everything - as we have done up to now - and thereby hold on to all the emotions and fears, resistance and tension in our body, our blockages become entrenched. These make it difficult for us to heal our injuries and the resulting behaviours. It is therefore important to release these blockages from our bodies through various exercises, such as shaking, tapping, humming, bouncing and twisting movements of the upper body while standing. There are many ways to release yourself from reaction mode.
Conflict management as a panacea?
Comprehensive conflict management can work wonders here. And not just when the child has already fallen into the well, but preferably as a preventative measure! This applies to both professional and, of course, private dealings. The sooner we manage to prevent the conflict from arising in the first place. Nowadays in particular, the variety of communication channels makes it easy to send a short but nurturing message. Even if it's just that the other person knows it's your turn, but can't respond fully at the moment. The next contact is then not only easier but also conflict-free, open and solution-orientated.
Communication of the New Era
An essential part of communication in the new era will be our heart. The danger of getting into conflict is much greater if we only communicate from head to head. In the case of genuine heart communication, we open ourselves to the other person and are mindful, benevolent and curious about what moves the other person, what they want to share with us, what emotions they are currently experiencing and what their thought patterns are. We can learn so much that makes it easier for us to respond to the other person in a better and more targeted way and to initiate what is within our power or to clearly distance ourselves by explaining where we stand and what our motivations are. This results in a harmonious exchange that creates a sense of connection and a pleasant, benevolent atmosphere. This is of course the basis for finding solutions that serve everyone.
Of course, this type of communication is very difficult in stressful situations, so this is precisely where the art lies in finding ways to best regulate yourself in these situations so that you don't fall into one of the familiar stress reaction patterns.
Everyone can only do this for themselves and continue to develop. Only when there is a shared understanding of how our nervous system works can healing steps be taken together. Together, the strength is naturally much greater and more stable - growing together is also more fun!
Coaching and Coach•sulting offer ideal support here, either to take the first steps in conflict resolution and analysing one's own reaction structures or to directly implement new skills in the area of nervous system regulation and conflict management, which enable and empower all those involved to deal well and confidently with relevant situations. Caring and experienced support leads to inner stability, stress reduction, the development of necessary skills and more confidence to confront new (management) tasks, for example. Trusting that the best possible things can develop and be implemented.
Coaching can provide you with targeted support in overcoming upcoming challenges at every stage - internally in the team or as a leader in the company. In a clarifying introductory meeting, a modular concept is developed that provides you and your project with optimal support and individualised assistance.
Contact me to take your next steps
Nicole Dildei Coaching firstname.lastname@example.org
+49 157 58 267 427
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