Doesn't everyone want healthy, authentic and open relationships? If that's the case, I'm wondering why it's so incredibly difficult to find or live them in reality. I often find myself in situations where I'm struggling to find my inner center, where various issues are pushing big triggers and the overwhelm is screaming from every pore.
Some people are just so close, in the middle of the inner circle, who hold such an important position that a change in behavior or a contrary attitude, criticism or conflict can cause the relationship to falter. And not just the relationship with others, but especially the relationship with ourselves! When can this happen? As a rule, the goal is inner balance, a sense of security, well-being and connection. However, if various experiences in childhood have been stored as unprocessed traumas, there is no connection to this area. We are always in a more or less insecure state in relationships, in fear of what will happen next, in the feeling of not being enough, of doing something wrong and losing everything, of being particularly perfect so that nothing happens, of not expressing our needs and opinions. So we withdraw further and further, becoming more and more like the person we are not, until at some point we have a breakdown or we are more and more often the person we want to be.
What happens then?
Our nervous system is out of balance - in other words, we react in fight, flight, freeze or submission mode and are unable to find access to our inner center, our true self. As these reaction modes run automatically as our basic instincts, we need time between the situation and our reaction to regulate ourselves again. Lightning reactions can therefore always be traced back to this reflex. If someone freaks out immediately, gives in straight away, disappears or freezes in the situation, you know that the nervous system is dancing the tango and is completely overwhelmed. It also blocks our brain because our body releases all the hormones that are supposed to secure our existence. All very unpleasant. But where do we learn to regulate ourselves in order to act maturely and responsibly in these everyday situations? Regulating our nervous system First of all, we need to be mindful and recognize when we are in which mode. Which triggers have been pressed when and for what reason? As soon as we slip out of normality, we need to consciously step out of it. Be aware of our surroundings, practise deep breathing, feel our body, come into the here and now and find peace. Anything else takes us deeper into the illusion of danger and existential distress. Only with a balanced nervous system can we regain clarity of thought and make sensible decisions. What makes a healthy relationship? In a healthy relationship, anything is possible. You can simply be who you are. Without ifs and buts. Know that the other person will stay, be there for you, hold you, support you, listen to you, love you and even a loud argument will not change the connection and bond. Separation is easy, there are no more taboos, no childish games, no silent treatment. If triggers are pressed, which will always happen because we are constantly learning, growing, healing and developing, we treat each other with love and care. Compassion, genuine listening, being present - simply being safe. That would be it. If everyone worked on their own inner imbalance. In other words, to take care of healing the causes on the one hand, and to know how to help ourselves in situations that require self-regulation on the other. This in turn gives us the security of knowing that we can help ourselves and others because we can be present. In this way, we don't constantly challenge those around us and radiate our inner strength. What could our world look like? Just imagine if this kind of awareness, self-efficacy and autonomy were to become part of our everyday lives. Crazy, isn't it? My idea would be that there would be much more peace, serenity and openness. We could open up carefree and worry-free, without fear of being rejected, devalued and separated.
Acting, living and treating ourselves and others from our inner strength leads to a completely different energy that we radiate and attract. We can all agree that life will not hold any fewer surprises and unusual situations in store for us, but the way we deal with them can change so that we feel we have to face fewer challenges.
Of course, the path is not easy, but in the medium to long term we will experience a sense of well-being, inner peace and connectedness as well as a healthier, more authentic way of living and interacting with others. These gifts are so valuable and give you energy instead of wasting it. It's worth it! Let's finally get on our way!
Coaching can support you here to experience yourself, to recognize your blockages and to overcome them in order to carry your gained self-confidence into your life and of course into your relationships.
Coaching can support you and your growth in each of the phases in a targeted manner - internally in the company or personally in your private life. In a clarifying introductory meeting, a modular concept will be developed to provide you and your transformation with optimal guidance and individual support.
Contact me to start your journey into a fulfilled future
Nicole Dildei Coaching nd@nicole-dildei-coaching.com
+49 157 58 267 427
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